Hey guys, foundress here! It's been kind of a while since I've made a journal, so here I am!
Fall is here... so that means sweater-weather, crunchy leaves, and orange and red all around you, and for some, even snow~! And Halloween, and Thanksgiving (if you live in the States, ofc ^^)!
What's your favorite thing about autumn? Or if you don't like it, why do you hate it?
I have mixed feelings about it. I love the bright orange colors, the feeling of walking on leaves and wearing jackets... But it makes me sad at the same time. I'm not quite sure why. It could be seasonal depression. It could be something that reminds me of not-so-happy times. Sunsets have the same effect on me. Maybe it's the colors, or the symbolism of death, like how a sunset signifies the end of the day, and fall signifies the end of summer; the season of fun and liveliness.
I always anxiously (and not in the good way) await Christmas. It hasn't been a fun thing for me since before my aunt died, because the family lives far away from each other and we don't celebrate as much without her. She was the life of the party. She had Rett Syndrome, but she was the one with the most personality and bubbly attitude. She absolutely loved Christmas, and the family gatherings. That's something I'll always remember, even if it happened when I was little. Then there was the time with (and I don't like to say his name, so let's call him E) E, my no-longer-father (and abusive, at that), who didn't really like to celebrate it and didn't want to visit my uncle's house. Now recently, after he and my mom divorced and we were by ourselves for 2 years, we celebrated by ourselves. A very, very small party, since we were technically homeless at the time and barely survived on what income we had. It really made me sad, but I feel like I should have been grateful that we could have celebrated at all.
I have a new dad now, and I'm really happy. I have an actual family. I'm so grateful that I can finally know what it feels like to have a real father, and now I'm thinking Christmas won't be so bad. We live in a decent house, have things like computers and cable tv, when just 2 years ago we lived in a homeless shelter.
My point is, if things seem really bleak in your life, like things will never look up... Please don't give up. The bad times seem like they'll last forever, I know. But if you keep hope and faith in your heart, even if it takes years, things will get better. I promise.
When you're depressed, it's hard to believe me when I say that. You think, "That's a load of sh*t, my life will never get better, you don't know me or what I've been through". And it's true, I don't know. But I can guarantee you that you'll change your mind later. It could be a friend, family, therapy, even a new pet... You wouldn't believe what a huge difference those things can make.
Since I've met my best friends Lonotonic
(and a few more!), I feel so happy when I get to talk to them and can't wait until we can talk again. I have something to look forward to now. They always help me in my time of need and I help them as much as I humanly can in return. I'm so loyal it's almost (or is!) dangerous for me.
I have my cat Momo, who's so helpful to me that he's an official therapy cat. He's been with me through all the horrible times in my life, even when E was there. We've traveled up and down the country since E abandoned us and left us homeless, but my kitty stayed strong and, in turn, I did, too. I stayed strong not only for myself and Momo, but for my mom. She was having it just as rough and I wanted to help her.
So, I have an idea... But I won't do it unless you guys are interested. My idea is this: I will tell my stories, (with not entire detail, like names changed and such; and believe me, I have a LOT of stories, so...), and underneath mine I'll copy and paste your
story/stories in the same journal. A lot of us feel alone sometimes, so it can help to see others might have similar situations. Even better if you can say what you've learned from them, and how things are better for you now!
Stay happy, friends. I can't respond to every comment, but I will pop in once in a while and we can talk a little if you're feeling down. ^^
With love, AikouDesu